Chris Rock Social Security, Taxes and Insurance routine video

Chris Rockâ??s stand up comedy routine about Social Security, Taxes and Insurance is one of the most famous routines of the funny comedian.

Chris Rockâ??s stand up routine on Social Security, Taxes and Insurance was included on his Bigger and Blacker stand up comedy video, which premiered on July 10, 1999, being taped at the Appolo Theatre in Harlem.

Chris Rockâ??s stand up comedy DVD Bigger & Blacker was released one year later, on July 11, 2000 and is still one of his best comedy shows.

Talking about taxes and insurance, Chris Rock gives the audience a funny and interesting point of view about money payed for taxes...oh wait, like he says: â?? You don't even pay taxes. They take tax. You get your check, money gone.â??

You can watch FREE online Chris Rockâ??s stand up comedy routine about Social Security, Taxes and Insurance or you can watch the full video in our Stand Up Comedy Concerts.

Also, you will find the transcript of this funny routine culled from Chris Rockâ??s Bigger&Blacker video.

One thing Clinton did l didn't like,  raise taxes. Taxes all high and shit.

You know what's fucked-up about taxes? You don't even pay taxes. They take tax. You get your check, money gone. That ain't a payment, that's a jack.

Got all these taxes: city tax, state tax, Social Security tax. You don't get the money until you're. Meanwhile, the average black man dies at...Shit, we should get Social Security at! What the fuck, man? We don't live that long. Hypertension, high blood pressure, NYPD, something will get you.

What the fuck is up with the police? My God! l am scared. l didn't get rid of no guns. Fuck that shit. And l had a cop pull me over the other day,  scared me so bad...made me think l stole my own car. ''Get out the car, get out the fucking car! You stole this car!'' l'm like, ''Damn, maybe l did. ''Oh, Lord, l done stole a car.''

You know what's worse than taxes? What's worse than tax is insurance. You got to have some insurance. They shouldn't even call it insurance. They just should call it ''in case shit. l give a company some money in case shit happens. Now, if shit don't happen, shouldn't l get my money back? That's right, man, you better have some medical insurance, or you gonna die.

That's right, everybody. You got to eat right and exercise. No, you don't, you need some coverage. Coverage will save your life. That's right, we all gonna die, but at least if you got some coverage...you will die on a mattress. That's right. When l was a kid, we didn't have no insurance. We didn't have a damn thing.

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Chris Rock’s Gay People, Homophobia and Molesting Uncles video routine

Chris Rockâ??s stand up comedy routine about gay people, homophobia, Ricky Martin and molesting uncles is extracted from Chris Rockâ??s: Bigger & Blacker video.

Chris Rockâ??s stand up comedy routine about Gay People in the Military brings out more than some funny lines about gay people, going where many think, but less say it:

"lf they wanna fight, let them fight,'cause l ain't fighting. l wouldn't give a fuck if l saw a Russian tank rolling down Flatbush Avenue. l ain't shooting nobody. So call me a faggot. When the war is over, l'll be the faggot with two legs, thank you.�.

Chris Rockâ??s stand up talent has very much to do with him touching controversial topic from a different point of view than the others: talking about homophobia, the comedian knows that by  judging people usually you end up facing  what youâ??ve judged, much closer than you ever thought :

â?? lt don't make no sense to be a racist, sexist, or nothing, but.... lt don't. lt doesn't. lt don't make no sense...cause whoever you hate will end up in your family. That's right, you don't like gays, you're gonna have a gay son.â??

You can watch the routines below or you can watch Chris Rockâ??s stand up video Bigger&Blacker in our Stand Up Comedy Concerts section.

Before any of this happened, they was on Clinton.

What was they on him for?

Gays in the military.

Everybody says, "Don't let them in."lf they wanna fight, let them fight,'cause l ain't fighting.

l wouldn't give a fuck if l saw a Russian tank rolling down Flatbush Avenue.

l ain't shooting nobody. So call me a faggot. When the war is over, l'll be the faggot with two legs, thank you.

You know what's fucked up? Everybody gets so homophobic. People, we need to cut that shit out...'cause everybody in this room got at least a gay cousin. Every last one of you got a gay cousin. You knew he was gay when y'all was kids. You was playing ball, he was jumping rope. He didn't turn gay, he was gay then. He just didn't have nobody to be gay with. Shit, l got a gay uncle. Call him Aunt Tom. Every Christmas, he comes over with his ''friend.'' See, it don't make no sense to hate nobody.

lt don't make no sense to be a racist, sexist, or nothing, but.... lt don't. lt doesn't. lt don't make no sense...'cause whoever you hate will end up in your family. That's right, you don't like gays, you're gonna have a gay son.

You don't like Puerto Ricans? Your daughter's gonna come home with ''Livin' la vida loca!'' Don't you just love that shit? That's a catchy-ass song. You just want to jump up on shit. 'Livin' la vida loca! ''Come on!'' l feel that shit. l'll be driving, ''Livin' la vida loca!'' l love that shit.

That ain't going nowhere. That's gonna be out a long time. That shit is like the Puerto Rican! Whoomp! (There It Is)!

l was talking about my gay uncle.

See, your uncles prepare you for life.

lf you got enough uncles,they'll prepare you for life...'cause you got every type of uncle. You got your gay uncle, you got your alcoholic uncle. You got your stealing uncle. You got your molester uncle.

Everybody's got that one molester uncle.

Your mama's like, ''Where them kids at?''

-''They're with Johnny.''

-''Get them kids!

''Hurry up, get them kids!

Don't leave them with your Uncle Johnny!''

Later on, you get molested, your mama get mad at you.

''That's what you get. ''Hanging around fucking Johnny. l told you about that shit!

''Now walk it off!''

That's your family.

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Chris Rock on Columbine kids video routine

Chris Rockâ??s stand up comedy Bigger & Blacker, taped in 1999 is one of the most comprehensive stand up comedy show, talking about the late 90s biggest issues, like: Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky, Gun Control, Gays in the Military, Doctors and Medcine, Taxes and Insurance and also the Columbine kids.

In this Chris Rock stand up comedy routine, the comedian takes a poke at the Columbine kids, having perhaps the most insightful line :

â??Everybody wants to know what the kids was listening to. What kind of music was they listening to? Or what kind of movies was they watching? Who gives a fuck what they was watching? Whatever happened to crazy? What happened to crazy? What, you can't be crazy no more? Did we eliminate ''crazy'' from the dictionary? Fuck the records. Fuck the movies. Crazy!â?.

This is one of the biggest talents of Chris Rock, to succeed in making you laugh even at the most horrifying topics.

You can watch below the Columbine kids routine and read the transcript, but you can also watch free online Chris Rockâ??s stand up Bigger & Blacker full, in out Stand Up Comedy Concerts section.

You know, l was just in my hotel, a little while ago, on my way here...and l got in the elevator, right? l'm getting in the elevator...and these two high-school white boystry to get on with me...and l just dove off. l said, ''Y'all ain't killing me!''l am scared of young white boys.

lf you white and under l am running for the hills. What the hell is wrong with these white kids shooting up the school? They don't even wait till  :   either. Killing people in the morning. That ain't right.

The Trenchcoat Mafia. ''No one will play with us.''We have no friends. We're the Trenchcoat Mafia.

''Hey, l saw the yearbook pictures. lt was six of them. l didn't have six friends in high school.l don't got six friends now. Shit, that's three-on-three with a half court. What the hell is wrong with these kids?

l got people telling me, ''Come on, Chris. Come up to a school. Talk to the kids.'' l'm like, ''Fuck the kids! ''Do you got a vest? Maybe l'll think about it.

''Everybody wants to know what the kids was listening to. What kind of music was they listening to? Or what kind of movies was they watching? Who gives a fuck what they was watching? Whatever happened to crazy? What happened to crazy? What, you can't be crazy no more? Did we eliminate ''crazy'' from the dictionary? Fuck the records. Fuck the movies. Crazy!

When l was a kid, they used to separate the crazy kids from everybody.  When l was a kid, the crazy kids went to school in a little-ass bus. They had a class at the end of the school...and they used to get out of school at  :Just in case they went crazy...they would only hurt other crazy kids. And we was all safe. We was all safe.

Damn, the world's coming to an end. You'll have little white kids saying: ''l want to go to a black school where it's safe.''

That's right, man.

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Jeff Dunham’s Walter running for President routine video!

This Jeff Dunham video is a special bonus included on the comedianâ??s stand up comedy DVD Spark of Insanity.

Jeff Dunhamâ??s video Spark of Insanity premiered on September 17, 2007, being filmed at the Warner Theater, Washington, DC.

Spark of Insanity is Jeff Dunhamâ??s second HBO special, after his 2006 Arguing with Myself that made him and his puppets, Walter, Peanut Doll, Jose Jalapeno on a Stick, famous.

Walterâ??s Political Announcemnet is as funny as his other routines, but is much more dynamic because people from the audience are asking him all kind of questions and he answers in his unique grumpy, sarcastic and agresive way.

From the start to the end of this Jeff Dunham video, Walter is being, as he used us, political incorrect while poking fan at native americans, black people, women and a lot more.

The video is hilarious and if you want to watch Jeff Dunhamâ??s Spark of Insanity full and free, you can find it in our Stand up Comedy Concerts section.

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Pablo Francisco Jackie Chan Routine video

Pablo Francisco's impression on Jackie Chan is coming from the same area as the Little Tortilla Boy, even though was included on the comedian's second stand up comedy DVD, his 2006 Ouch!

Remarcable about Pablo Francisco's stand up comedy is that he doesn't repeat the material from his previous Bits and Pieces and yet manages to come with funny impressions such as Jackie Chan, Jet Li or Bruce Lee.

Pablo Francisco's impressions are the comedian's trademark and make Pablo Francisco's videos easy to recognize after the unique sound effects he is using.

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Chris Rock Gun Control routine video

Bigger and Blacker is the third Chris Rock HBO special and includes one of the comedian's most controversial routines ever: Chris Rock Gun Control. Chris Rock stand up comedy talent made from an touchy topic like guns or gun control laws, an hilarious show.

The gun control debate and the gun controls laws are always present, so Chris Rock's solution about the gun control manages to reduce the controverse to the bullet control and a huge tax for every bullet, so that people can't affoord it, which could really aplly in the real world if the interest would be a low rate of criminality.

But for now the Chris Rock Gun Control routine is just a funny routine, with an interesting point of view coming from one of the best comedians ever and you can watch it online, FREE on BCO.

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